GAAAAAHHHHHH!

We can't make him look like them

I know you've been here two whole times. I know you've now tanned in a bed a total of 30 minutes in the past six months now. Yeah I know you're not tan yet. Guess what? You looked like Edgar Winter's pale younger brother when you first walked in here. You might have to go a few more times. Yes, yes I know the wedding is in three days, but you should've been in here two weeks ago. And you know what? you might have to spend a little extra money on a stronger bed. I know, I know you get tan "in like 2 minutes outside"! Well you're not outside. Next time don't wait until the last minute.

Kind of a big deal.

Well to me at least. We are located relatively close to a major concert arena. So every once in a while we'll get a celebrity type in here. Well this time they weren't really the celebrities so much, but this particular celebrity's back up dancers. Actually this was the second time they were in here to get a spray on tan. Because we don't use those awful automatic spray machines that I don't want to name so no one feels bad about spending $30,000+ on these awful things (Hint: they're called Mystic), we tend to get a more "upscale" spray tanner. Also more adult because you're sprayed by someone. Usually naked. You, not the person spraying.




Anyway, they came back a third time! Big deal right? No not that. The fact that "BIG TIME CELEBRITY'S" make up artist said it was the best spray tan she'd ever seen. That is really saying something. Especially since presumably the make up artist can do it for them . I was flattered to say the least. Hopefully word will get around.

Stop being a creep!

You're making the girls uncomfortable. Yes they're young. Yes they're hot. Yes they're personable, and smart. I hired them for those reasons. But they think you're "a creepo". Besides, they're MY girls, and frankly I feel a little protective. They don't want to date you. You're old enough to be their father. At least. Even I think you're a little weird. I can't imagine what it'd be like to be hit on by you.

Oh and remember that time you brought in that woman you were cheating on your wife with? Remember I met her? And I imagine she's actually better looking than your wife, right? Yeah the girls that work here are WAAAY out of your league anyway. So by all means keep coming in. Just stop hitting on the girls.

Hey Pasta! How do you work the radio in here?

Really? How do you work the radio?? Radio technology has changed very little in the last 100 years or so.

1. Power on.

2. Choose AM or FM

3. Choose station.

4. Enjoy the sound that comes out of speakers.

Dumb-ass

What are you doing in there !?

Thanks but I don't need a new window in that wall. And you know that tanning bed you were just lying in? Yeah that thing costs like $25,000. So while you can borrow it for the next fifteen minutes or so, DON'T FUCKING BREAK IT ASSHOLE!

Get undressed, lay in the bed, tan, get dressed get the fuck out! What's the matter with you people?

Oh. And those doors? They slide open, and closed. You had to slide it closed to close it, why are you trying to swing it open? You're gonna knock that whole collapsible wall down! I know you think you're so hot I want to keep you prisoner. Well guess what? You aren't, and I don't. I'd have to feed you. A lot apparently. And I don't want that.