New Business News

Well, I have some news but I don't have time right now. Maybe tomorrow. Sorry.

Thick Skin or Crazy?

Having owned 3 businesses now, and hoping soon to move onto a fourth I've noticed something about myself. I like the interaction with people, I like being around people, and being the center of attention. Of course I've always sort of been that way, that's probably why I own businesses instead of working for others. But after all the hassles, and the headaches, and the dealing with the 15% of people that make life miserable for everyone, I've started to worry that it's making me a little crazy. Seriously.

I don't know how to fix this. Is this what happens to business owners? Does it evolve over time? Is it from dealing with the public, or having employees? I like people in general, I really do. But I like them even more when they do what I say. It sounds crazy right?

Do all business owners, CEO's, and managers get like this? Do you just get so used to people doing what you tell them that you just expect it from everyone? Or is the pressure, and the stress causing it? You wouldn't think tanning would be all that stressful, and really it isn't. The act of tanning itself isn't stressful, but owning the business can be. I have to find a way to switch this off. There must be a way. Hey I'm even gonna give myself the "Asshole" tag.

Recognizing the problem is the first step right? I don't mean crazy in the sense like I'm seeing things, or hallucinating or anything nutso like that. But I find myself talking to people, like customers for instance, and seeing them only as customers. Objects. Give me your money, tan, and get out. I don't think about them at all once they walk out the door. Not one iota. You might think that sounds normal, but we're a customer-centric kinda business. There are people that have been coming here since the day we opened so I've literally known them for years. How come I don't care about them? I've become so hard towards people now that I have very little, to no empathy for them.

Not far from here, one customer drunkenly walked in front of a train on the way home from a local bar. C.K. was his name. Obviously he was killed. I liked him. We got along well. He was a straight shooter, an ex-boxer, sort of a rough around the edges kind of guy. You knew what you were getting from him. There was no pretense. If he didn't like you you knew it. Likewise if he liked you, you knew it too. In mobster movies he'd be a "stand up guy". And yet I never think about him until I drive past the makeshift shrine they built for him out of flowers near the spot where he was killed. I suppose it's normal in that instance but it seems to go much deeper than that for me. I don't know.

Maybe I just need a long vacation.

Maybe?

One of the semi-regulars came in today, and brought who I thought was her father. It turns out it was her mothers boyfriend. But whatever. They have money. A lot of money. She (the customer) is going to med school, and she might be staying in "one of their houses in Florida", just to give you an idea.

So one thing leads to another, and the mother's boyfriend asks if we're for sale. How the hell did he know? I've been trying to be careful who I mention this to because I don't want to freak out the customers.

Since you don't really know me I can say without modesty that it's been my belief, the last year and a half or so, that without me, this place would cease to exist. All things being equal, I'm the reason people come here. It's hard to explain. But that's why I've really only mentioned my plans to a very select few. The few people I would actually like to continue being friends with after the inevitable. Oh I may have said..."all businesses are for sale (they always are)", or..."for the right money I'd walk." that sort of thing, but I just assumed that's what people understood about business. It happens all the time. "Under New Management!" You've seen the signs right?

They tried to buy a hair salon but that fell through or something, so they've been looking for something else. Apparently the daughter is trying to talk them into buying the place. She just wants to tan for free, but whatever works I say.

And I made yet another phone call this morning to the landlord of the building I'd like to lease for the bar. It's getting hard to keep all this straight. I hope I'm making the right decisions.

Unfortunately you never know until it's too late.

I Just Ordered Something Online...

Wow that's really great. I'm glad you saved 10 whole dollars, but guess what dumb ass? We only sell two things here. Tans, and lotion. And when you tell me you ordered something online, as opposed to buying it here, we don't get to stay in business very long and it really pisses me off.

How does this sound? Next time you buy a lotion online, try tanning online too.

Oh, and by the way. That lotion you bought at such a great price? Yeah it isn't manufactured anymore. Even I can't get it, that's why we no longer carry it. So good luck with whatever is in that bottle. I hope that whatever sh-t the Filipinos had laying around and pumped into that bottle doesn't make you break out in hives, or whatever God awful skin rash it might give you.

On second thought, that cheap sh-t wreaks havoc on our acrylics, and those things get real expensive for me real fast, so I hope you do get Ebola or something from it. And when we go out of business because you wanted to save $10, you can take your online lotion, and go spend $28 on a single session at Big Chain Salon.

Asshole.

Business 101

Nope. I never graduated from college. I never attended the Kellogg School of Management, and I never so much as went to a community college. Actually I think you have to graduate from high school first, but that's a totally different story.

Anyway there isn't much you can tell me that I haven't already experienced either from owning this business, businesses in the past, or simply by existing. Gee do you really think I should put a sign out next to the road to tell people we're here? I would never have thought of that. Oh wait. I did. There's a city ordinance against doing just that, so I won't be doing that again. Some people will walk through our door everyday for weeks at a time and still ask me what time we close. Despite the fact that our hours are posted on that same door in 3" vinyl letters. If they can walk past those without seeing them, do you really think they're gonna see a sign they might fly past at 40mph? We have been open for almost five years now, so while I'll nod, and agree that... "Hey that's a great idea!" ... I'll be totally humoring you.

Mailers work? Huh. I never would have gue- Oh wait I tried that too. It doesn't. We mailed out 15,000 coupons three times in one year. It cost us like $1800.00 and guess how many we got back. Go ahead guess. That's right. Two. And neither one of those people spent $1800 in here. In fact I've never seen either person again.

And yeah I think it would be an awesome idea to buy an "XXL Kiwi King" by Soltron, and I will if you feel like lending me the $50,000+ to buy it. Oh and the $35.00 per 12 minute session charge, you'll totally do that at least twice a week to justify the expense right? Right? And so will at least 20 of your friends? I hope so because there's a lot I could do with an extra $50,000. I can appreciate you trying to help. Your advice won't go unheeded.

No that's wrong it will because you have no idea what you're talking about.