As I've said, things get reaaalllly slow here in the summer. In fact this August has been slower than most, thanks in part I'm sure to the new "tanning tax" but more on that later. And it gets boring. How many computer generated zombies can you shoot in one day?
Well, of those 25 calls a day that we get, some of them are telemarketers. Mostly they're trying to sell me shitty bulk type lotions. Rio Tanning, OC Tanning, Vegas Tan, and on, and on. The same company can call me three, or four times a week. Sometimes multiple times in one day. I've been asking them to stop calling me for the last five years but they won't.
Before you ask, the "Do Not Call List" doesn't apply to businesses. Our number is on it, and I'm sure it stopped some calls, but telemarketers, and their employers are a different, far stupider breed I guess. Why waste the time it takes to call someone, that so obviously doesn't want to be bothered? Like I suddenly had a change of heart and wanted to start buying crap from random strangers that call me on the phone?
So I got tired of being aggravated, and decided to take a more proactive approach to my little problem. When a telemarketer calls, I simply put them on hold. I don't actually use the hold function, I just say, "Hey I'm kinda busy can you hold on for a sec?", and I set the phone aside. I pick up the phone every 30 seconds or so, and say "Hey are you still there?" When they say "Yep!" I tell them, "hang on I swear I'm gettin' there!" and then I set the phone down again. I can usually keep them going for a while. My record is 12 minutes before they finally hung up.
Don't worry our caller ID flashes when the other line rings so I don't miss calls.
The same goes for sales people that call to schedule appointments. If a credit card processor calls and says they can save us money, I let them make the appointment. The conversation usually goes like this...
Them: Hello Pasta, do you take credit cards?
Me: Yep!
Them: Well, we'd like to save you substantial money on your credit card processing.
Me: Really!? Wow I'd really like that!
Them: We'll have a representative in your area next Wednesday will you bring your last statement so she/he can look it over?
Me: Sure I want to meet with them!
I gotta be here anyway so if there's nothing going on, and I'm bored, what difference does it make? I'm here, come on in!
I ALWAYS tell the sales-person that I forgot the statement, and ask them to come back, which they almost always do. They aren't gonna save me any money. In fact most credit card processors are a complete rip-off. I got lucky and found a guy, a customer here actually that gave me pretty good rates, and I know it. So I'll stick with them.
Anyway, the salesmen give up eventually. And before you say all of this is mean, you gotta look at it this way. They have been wasting my time for years now. And If I can waste enough of their time. Maybe companies that use telemarketers will rethink their marketing plans. If I could get just 30 businesses to do this, can you imagine the cumulative sales time that would waste?! Hundreds of hours a year.
Don't feel too bad for them though. Once it gets busy again I'll just hang up on them.
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