You're Back? Part 3

So after J.S. explosion of fury that someone would dare sully her precious little angel of a daughter, by daring to ask her to do something unsavory, despite the fact that no one asked, and don't forget she's 18, and it might sound demented to some, but the minute someone turns 18 I consider them an adult. A full blown adult on an equal - legal at least - footing with me. They can smoke, buy a house, get married, sign a contract, get prosecuted and put in big time prison, have babies, and until the late 70's even buy alcohol, which I still think they should be allowed to do, and on, and on.

Hell I had relatives that joined the military, fought in some of the most famous battles of WWII, probably killed scores of people, and were shot at 100's of times, all before they were even 17 years of age, never mind 18. Suddenly I'm supposed to approach adults of today differently than I would anyone else? Anyway she says her piece, and I do my best to look concerned, and I make promises to "get to the bottom of this" even though I couldn't possibly care less, and will forget she was even here the minute she walks out.  You know the old saying if you can fake sincerity you have it made? Pfft. They made that up for me.

I go back to work, and do whatever it is I do, and carry on like normal. I asked Girlfriend one last time what happened, she says she doesn't know what J.S. is talking about. Whatever, fine,  and everything is back to normal. Oddly after "the big scandal" one of A.R.'s former friends walks in. And since I consider "Julie" more of a friend than a customer, I relay this little tale to her. Her reply"

"A.R. (The now adult, future dancer in question) is a psychopathic liar."

Apparently their house had to be ringed with security cameras, because of A.R.s penchant for getting "sideways" with just about every human being she comes across. How bad of a person do you have to be to instill such hatred at such a young age? I mean it's not like she was a mobster or anything. But of course her mother (J.S.) thinks it's everyone else's problem. I forgot to mention that they were asked to leave the last tanning salon they were using. Oh but "it was the girls that worked there. They were nasty." Maybe. Or maybe it's because you daughter is crazy. She once flew into a drunken rage, and spit in a girls face, and punched her when she wouldn't participate in a threesome with her, and her boyfriend. That's the story anyway. The other stories I've heard are equally unbalanced, and far worse. If even half of what I heard is true... Yikes. And guess who doesn't hear about any of this? The Mom.

Keep in mind she is an attractive young girl. Thin, blonde, on the outside she's very personable, and friendly. But you do notice that thin veneer of phoniness. The over enunciated "Hi!" When she sees you. Nothing you can put your finger on, you just know she doesn't mean it.

Well a full day goes by, and I've all but forgotten all about this little, melodrama when sudden The Mom suddenly appears in the parking lot, and walks up to the door...

Why Won't My Legs Get Tan?!

I don't know. Why? Is this a trick question? Am I a dermatologist? You're right though you look nice and tan, but you're legs are still white as ghosts. But I don't have an answer for everything.

Maybe you're a freak.

Legs and faces DO tend to be more difficult to tan, because they tend to be more lean. There's less fat there, and tanning is tied in with the amount of fat in your body, and the pH of your your blood. I know it sounds totally made up but it's true. That's why your stomach always gets so dark so fast. Even if your really thin, there's still a lot of fat cells in your abdominal area, simply because it's such a big area so that's why it's so "black".

Maybe you're getting older. Your skin loses elasticity, and the ability to repair itself over time. That's why you get wrinkles. The body is less interested in protecting itself now, than it was 25 years ago. Or maybe you have bad circulation. Are you diabetic? Diabetics lose there legs because their circulation is so poor. But I offered a partial solution. They make lotions designed just for legs because they are notoriously difficult to tan. A sample is a whopping $3.26 and guess what?

You passed. Why? Because you're a cheapskate, and you probably need something to bitch about. So what can I say? Wear long pants I guess. Besides your like 60 years old. No one is looking at your legs anymore.

Sorry...

It's been light on the stories but it's still kinda slow. It was actually scary slow for a while, but things are picking up so I'm sure the 15% of the population that makes life miserable for the rest of us will be in fine form soon.

You Aren't Good Looking Enough...

to be as much of a jerk that you are. I know you're attractive physically. In fact the first time I saw you my initial reaction was "Holy -". Bikini model body, the best fake boobs money could buy always dressed nicely. You know the kind. She looks exactly like one of those girls you might see in a trendy nightclub. Even at 11am on a Tuesday. But then you ruin it all by talking. Jesus what an asshole. I can't imagine what it's like to live with you.

Imagine her, better looking, and also The World's Biggest Asshole.

You are constantly bitching about having to wait, about the cost, or about whatever your miserable life throws at you today. And you're kinda mean too. What a fucking Prima Donna. Really, you went from being someone I thought I could hold up as the kind of upscale clientele that we appeal to, to the ugliest woman I have ever met. For real. The only upside is that I know you are the one that has to get up everyday, and see your own miserable face in the mirror.

The really, really bad part though, is that your 17 year old daughter (yep she's 41 but she could pass for 31) is taking after you. Probably thinking you're cool or something. And I don't mean kinda I mean exactly like you. The downside for her is, the poor kid is, somehow, kinda homely. So not one single, solitary guy is gonna put up with it. Unlike the ones that might put up with you because of your physical attributes. But she'll be alone collecting cats, and Hummel Figurines by the time shes 26. At least she'll know who to blame when she's in therapy.

UPDATE 11/28! She was here today, and a bigger jerk than usual.