Business 101

Nope. I never graduated from college. I never attended the Kellogg School of Management, and I never so much as went to a community college. Actually I think you have to graduate from high school first, but that's a totally different story.

Anyway there isn't much you can tell me that I haven't already experienced either from owning this business, businesses in the past, or simply by existing. Gee do you really think I should put a sign out next to the road to tell people we're here? I would never have thought of that. Oh wait. I did. There's a city ordinance against doing just that, so I won't be doing that again. Some people will walk through our door everyday for weeks at a time and still ask me what time we close. Despite the fact that our hours are posted on that same door in 3" vinyl letters. If they can walk past those without seeing them, do you really think they're gonna see a sign they might fly past at 40mph? We have been open for almost five years now, so while I'll nod, and agree that... "Hey that's a great idea!" ... I'll be totally humoring you.

Mailers work? Huh. I never would have gue- Oh wait I tried that too. It doesn't. We mailed out 15,000 coupons three times in one year. It cost us like $1800.00 and guess how many we got back. Go ahead guess. That's right. Two. And neither one of those people spent $1800 in here. In fact I've never seen either person again.

And yeah I think it would be an awesome idea to buy an "XXL Kiwi King" by Soltron, and I will if you feel like lending me the $50,000+ to buy it. Oh and the $35.00 per 12 minute session charge, you'll totally do that at least twice a week to justify the expense right? Right? And so will at least 20 of your friends? I hope so because there's a lot I could do with an extra $50,000. I can appreciate you trying to help. Your advice won't go unheeded.

No that's wrong it will because you have no idea what you're talking about.